Some of us can really struggle with the concept of responsible. Many of us find ourselves taking responsibility for other people’s struggles, other’s challenges……offering help originating out of too much empathy when sympathy and support and not action is what is called for. When the issue of fault comes into the equation it can get even more complicated. Circumstances in these arenas can happen at work, in marriage, with friends and as parents.
Here are some examples of clarification to these concepts.
- As a homeowner, when my AC goes out, or a part needs to be replaced on my pool pump this is not my fault, but is my responsibility to fix.
- If someone lends me their calculator for school, and someone steals it from my desk, it was not my fault, but it is my responsibility to replace the calculator because my friend entrusted it to me.
- If my child panics over a school project deadline, and has very little time to complete what should have been done days ago, it is my child’s fault and my child’s responsibility to do what she can. It is not my fault, and it is not my responsibility to help her complete the project. To help her at the last minute teaches her she can avoid taking responsibility going forward because I will step in and spare her all the consequences of her actions.
- If a coworker comes to me and complains they did not do their job because they did not understand….it is not my fault or my responsibility especially if someone uses my empathy to get me to do their work. Measuring this situation carefully to determine what is mine and what is theirs, so that I can be supportive, help if asked and if appropriate without taking their accountability and learning away from them.