We all have a word that if someone we love directs that particular word at us it may send us spiraling. Typically a loved one, someone we love and trust may use that word to label and/or manipulate us into changing our behavior. This happens mostly due to our reaction, because we do not want our thoughts, feelings and actions to be associated with that particular word or label. Hence, the word triggers an argument or a change in behavior. When someone uses this word against us to manipulate our thoughts, feelings and actions this may very well be passive aggressive in motive. One way to truly overcome a trigger word from being so offensive is two fold. First, we may have to consider if we are embracing someone else’s negative connotation to the word or is this our own negative perception of the word. If another’s negative connotation and not our own, then ask yourself why are you giving the power of your thoughts and perceptions to someone else? If the perception is your own, taking steps to removing the negative connotation may bring you much more peace when the word is used against you, and allow you to focus on the real topic of the conflict. Removing negative connotations to certain words and labels we have that keep us from complete self awareness is a form of shadow work.
One of my favorite books for doing shadow work is Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford.
Ask yourself, why are you giving the power of your thoughts and perceptions to someone else?
One of my trigger words with a past husband was “sensitive”……According to him, if I wasn’t “so sensitive” there would be no problem. This allowed any argument to no longer be about the behavior in question, but my reaction to it. And because he used a mocking tone to the words “so sensitive” it was clear he attached a negative connotation to the word. Not wanting to be seen in a negative light, and wanting resolution to the conflict, I would often suppress my emotions.
Why should we look at trigger words?
Trigger words or labels may be keeping us from resolving conflicts, may keep us from being at peace with ourselves, and may in fact keep us from growing by embracing all different sides of ourselves.