Neutral Parenting in Divorce

Parenting a child who lives in two households as a result of divorce holds many challenges. One of the more significant challenges is being neutral to a child’s experiences with the other parent while still offering the proper support and guidance while not attaching your own personal meaning to the child’s experience and possibly affect the child’s own perception of their experiences. Their relationship to the other parent is theirs to have, and their opinions are theirs to create, and their perceptions are theirs to own. It is all to common to hear friends be open in front of their children about the other parent’s parenting which in turn hurts the child in ways we cannot even comprehend. But when a child is also being mistreated it is very hard to hold back our thoughts and opinions. A great self-help book on this subject is called Joint Custody with a Jerk by Judy Corcoran. So helpful to know where to involve yourself as a parent and where to encourage your child to deal with the issue on his/her own. Outside of those real issues, it is most important to keep your opinions to yourself. When you do this, you are actually strengthening your own personal relationship with your child, because he/she knows you accept them for who they are and who they are while in a relationship with the other parent. Acceptance of a child for who they are and who they choose to love will go a long way in our own relationship with them throughout their lives, including their adult lives regardless of whether they are a child of divorce or not. (If you suspect your child is being physically and or sexually abused seek professional help). When in doubt about what you should keep silent about, seek professional counseling.